This took place on a Thursday in courtroom 14B.

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I am 91 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting on my front porch on a warm spring evening when a young neighbour walked up to the porch and sat down beside me. He told me he loved older women, and that I was very sexy.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my inner thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 20 years ago.

“He began to rub my…”

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I hadn’t felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so “spicy” that I just laid down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me now!”

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, “April Fools!” And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard.